she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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