I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
