idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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