and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to make out with him forever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
