If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
