If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
