i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
