K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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