i need an iv and a liver transplant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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