i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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