Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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