I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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