It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
