Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
