Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
