He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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