well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
