how can u be prego again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
