you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
