You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
