My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
