i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
