i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
