great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
