Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
