watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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