you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
