This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
