I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
