Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
