just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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