It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
