I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
