Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize