Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I could fuck to npr.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
