When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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