Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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