Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
