im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
