it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hippo gnu deer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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