tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
