STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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