To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
