How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
