He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
