I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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