a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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