During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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