true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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