I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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