I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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