WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
