Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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