Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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