there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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