I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
