no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
