Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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