Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
vagina is talking i cant
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
