i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
