I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
