It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
